New Moon
by Nena-Daconte
Summary: Twiligt going real
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything. I loved Bella until she became a co-dependent pathetic human being. And for me Jacob is 100000000000000000 times better than Edward

Edward: I am sorry Bella I need to go away from you.

Bella: But why Edward you don't love me?

Edward: No and being the center of your life is exhausting. Don't you have any friends or hobbies?

Bella: No you are my life

Edward: Bella you are a teenager you haven't even lived.

Bella: It isn't my fault to be a reflection of the sentimental frustrations of Stephenie Meyer.

Edward: Well it isn't my fault either to have a depressive girlfriend. So find a hobby or buy a pet.

Bella: Fine. I will just sit here and die.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hey Chief Swan we have finally found your suicide daughter! She was lying on the road waiting for her dead.

Bella: Hi dad

Charlie: I want you to know that I blame your mother for your inability to manage abandonment.

Bella: That's not exactly fair coming from a guy who only says like 3 lines on the whole saga.

Charlie: Shut up! You turn into a zombie for this movie.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Charlie: Bella I can't handle this. You haven't made dinner in 3 months. I am starving. I am going to send you back to your mother if you don't start cooking.

Bella: No, please. I am going to see a movie with Jessica tonight. Bye dad I love you.

(She goes out)

Charlie: A movie? Wait who is going to feed me? Bella!


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own anything

Bella: I can't believe you accepted going to the cinema with a girl who turned into a zombie for like 3 months and before that I didn't even liked you! Nobody in this town has social life or what?

Jessica: Well you seriously looked kind of insane and I think you were like those girls who suffer rejection and then become serial killers in Criminal Minds. Besides, nobody seems to care for anybody else but you, so if getting kidnapped by an insane girl was my only chance to appear in the movie I said why not?

Bella: Now I know why you are a secondary character do you always talk so much?

Jessica: Yes but if you don't want to hear me let's listen to some music.

(She turns the radio on a romantic song that goes like this:

Bella, I was a vampire

But I breakup with you so you can get a life

And now you are just so boring that

Stephanie Meyer is looking for a way so I can go back…)

Bella: What the hell!!! Can we hear some rap?

(She turns the radio on a romantic rap song that goes like this:

Bella, I was a vampire

But I breakup with you so you can get a life

And now you are just so boring that

Stephanie Meyer is looking for a way so I can go back…)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….They enter to the movie and watched some zombies eating the people until the zombie boyfriend breaks up with the zombie girl and she feels miserable for the rest of the night

Jessica: This movie sucks how would like to pay for a movie of a suicide girl who just tries to kill herself during the 2 and a half hour of the movie?

Bella…

I just noticed I am really harsh with Bella I will try to improve that by being harsh with everybody. If you like it review it.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok here it comes sorry I just lost my sense of humor for a while...I don't own anything.

Jessica: I think we are lost.

Bella: I am going to approach to those guys to ask for directions, they seem pretty friendly.

(She approaches slowly to some strong, rude, guys with lots of tattoos)

Edward: Don't do it Bella!

Bella: Wow! Is that you God? Am I going to hell for kissing a sexy demon?

Edward: I'm not God Bella.

Bella: Schizophrenia? Oh my God so my suicide behavior has an explanation besides a really nasty break-up

Edward: You wish it did! I'm Edward or an illusion of your teenage mind but you'll have to wait for the next book to find out if you're insane.

Bella: Fine

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

(Driving around Forks)

Bella: I think I am insane. I mean this town it's supposed to be little but there's only like 15 characters in the book.

Wow I am talking to myself and according to this book of

Schizophrenia for dummies that's a symptom. I know what could bring some excitement to this book the previous chapters were about pain and sadness….

Let's do some suicide acts!

Jacob: Hi Bella!

Bella: Why are you so happy all the time?

Jacob: Too much antidepressant

Bella: Could you help me out doing something reckless and stupid?

Jacob: Why I am so in love with you? I mean you really treat me like a puppet don't you?

Bella: Sorry you'll find it out in about another 2 an a half books, bu expect some more mistreat from me.

That's it guys review!


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